How to Incorporate Butt Plugs into Your Sex Life
The anus is a magic hole—truly, a gift from the gods. When properly stimulated, anal stimulation can lead to earth-shattering pleasure regardless of your sexual orientation or gender (though it can be particularly pleasurable for those with a prostate). That’s because the anus (and prostate) is chock-full of sensitive, pleasure-inducing nerves.
But getting your booty involved can be a little intimidating. There are physical and mechanical concerns—cleanliness and pain—but there’s also a psychological hurdle many must cross. A lot of guys fear that anal play means they’re secretly queer. (Fake news! Anal play is all about physical pleasure and has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Now if you want a hairy man to stick his penis in your butt, well, that’s a little different.) And many women feel it’s, for lack of a better word, “slutty.” (But embracing that connotation can also make anal extremely arousing.)
But if you can overcome these obstacles—and don’t worry, that’s what this piece is all about—you can unlock a rapturous sensation and actually feel closer to your partners than ever before. And what’s one of the best ways to get your rear end involved sexually? Butt plugs! Butt plugs are a must if you’re into anal play, no matter your experience level. So let’s break down how to incorporate butt plugs into your sex life, shall we?
What to look for when purchasing a butt plug
Not all butt plugs are created equally. First and foremost, you need a butt plug with a flared base so it doesn’t get lost inside your behind. (No one wants to make that awkward and painful trip to the ER). Second, you want to purchase a toy with at least a 1-year warranty (like all of Je Joue’s toys). That lets you know the product is high-quality and the manufacturers don’t think it will immediately break. Third, you want a toy that’s made of 100% body-safe silicone. (FYI, all of Je Joue products are.)
Last but certainly not least, and this one isn’t a rule, but more of a preference, I recommend getting a vibrating toy like the Onyx, Vesta, or Egon. The low-frequency vibrations of these butt plugs add an additional level of pleasure that leads to a more full-body orgasm instead of a localized one. It’s also quite helpful that they come with a remote control. It can be very awkward to switch the speeds and vibrations of a butt plug with it already inside you. (You end up twisted like a pretzel.)
Warming up
Just like you walk before you run, you should start with (tiny) butt plugs before you put a penis or any toy of substantial size up your rear end. The anus, unlike the vagina, does not self-lubricate, so lube is not optional, and no, spit is not the same as lube. With silicone butt plugs, you need to use a water-based lube. (Silicone-based lube will erode and eventually destroy the toy.)
When you are engaging in anal play, you need to be aroused. So if you’re exploring by yourself, you may want to turn on some of your favorite porn and start by stroking your penis or fingering your vagina. When you are all hot and bothered, you or your partner should insert a lubed-up finger into your anus. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. There is no rush to put larger things inside your anus, and if you do so before you’re adequately warmed up, you may end up with painful anal fissures (tears in the tissue that line your anus). A way to relax and loosen up before a toy is to insert a finger and press down. That’s it. Don’t thrust back and forth. Press down for about a minute, and you’ll actually feel your anus expand.
“Cleaning out” your rear end
Some people like to douche their anus before they put a toy (or penis) inside of them. This is to clean out any feces prior to play. There are a few ways to “clean out,” but one of the simplest and most popular methods is to use a little douche “bulb.” You fill it with tap water and squirt it into your behind. You then sit over a toilet and push out the water. Once the water “runs clear,” meaning nothing but water is coming out of your rear end, you know you’re ready to engage in anal play.
Inserting the butt plug
Now that you’re aroused, relaxed, clean, and your anus is loose, it’s time to put the butt plug inside you. Remember, there is no rush, and while you might feel a little discomfort, you shouldn’t feel any (sharp) pain. If you do, stop inserting, take a few deep breaths, apply more lube, and start from the beginning—going even slower this time.
There’s no “wrong” way to insert a butt plug, but many people prefer to start by lying on their back and inserting it that way. Some people like to “sit” on the plug. If you’re with your partner, you can insert the toy in doggy style or with you on your stomach. It can be worth trying different positions to see which feels the most comfortable. No matter your position, take deep breaths and fight the urge to clench.
Having sex with the butt plug
With the butt plug comfortably and entirely inside you, the world is your oyster. The butt plug will be snug inside your rear end and secured by the flared base, so you can proceed to have sex the way you usually do. You can get a blowjob or eaten out. You can have your vagina penetrated or penetrate your partner’s vagina or anus. Your partner can have some fun removing and reinserting the butt plug for additional stimulation, or they can control the speed and vibrations of the toy with the remote control. It can be erotic to relinquish control and let your partner control the intensity of your stimulation. (It can add an element of dominance and submission to your sex.)
It feels divine having a butt plug in you while having sex because it stimulates the sensitive never endings in and around the anus. People also report really liking the “full” sensation, which can lead to stronger and more full-body orgasms.
Cleaning the butt plug
When you’re done having pleasure and/or sex, you need to clean your toy. You can purchase a special toy cleaner, but they’re not typically necessary. All you need to do is wash your toy with anti-bacterial soap and hot water. You need to do this because otherwise, you risk transferring bacteria the next time you use it (and if you’re using it on different partners, you risk transferring sexually transmitted infections). But that’s it! Once you’ve washed it, let it air dry, and it’ll be ready to use the next time you’re ready for some toe-curling anal pleasure!
About the author: Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He is the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and co-author of Men’s Health: Best. Sex. Ever. He writes “Sexplain It,” the sex and relationship advice column at Men’s Health, and “Navigating Non-Monogamy,” the polyamorous relationship column at Cosmopolitan. He is editor-in-chief of the BOYSLUT Zine, which publishes nonfiction erotica from kinksters across the globe. 