Tap Into Your Sexual Power with Dipsea, the Audio App Transforming Erotica
It is likely that many of us think that desire for sex is something that should just appear. You are walking down the street – someone catches your eye - and suddenly you think “I want sex!” However, that is not how desire works for the majority of us.
Among the many (unfortunate) misconceptions around sexuality is the idea that desire for sex, or feelings of arousal, should come up spontaneously. And that if they don’t, something is wrong with you.
But a lack of spontaneous desire for sex, in itself, is not really problematic. It doesn’t mean that your “sex drive” is low or that something is “broken”. On the contrary, it is actually completely normal and healthy!
The Sex Drive Myth
To begin with, there is actually no such thing as a sex drive. A “drive” implies a basic instinct that is essential to our survival. If we go without for some time, we experience physical deprivation, much like with eating and drinking. Sexual desire doesn’t work like that. Overall, the longer we go without sex, generally the less we want to have it.
Spontaneous vs Responsive Desire
Of course, many of us have experienced when “the horn” strokes: random, out-of-the blue horniness. But science has showed us that spontaneous desire - a desire for sex or feelings of arousal before engaging in any sexual activity – overall occurs less frequently for people with a vulva.
According to Emily Nagoski, sex expert and author of Come As You Are, this feeling of free-floating horniness or spontaneous desire only applies to around one third of people with a vulva, compared to two thirds of penis owners.
This means that up to 60% of vulva owners and up to 30% of people with a penis, identify more closely with what Nagoski calls, responsive desire. This model of desire means that sexual, sensual or romantic contact – a sensual touch, kiss or erotic fantasy - sets in motion a desire for sex, rather than the other way around. In other words, you only want sex after sexy things are happening.
And that is totally normal and healthy. It doesn’t mean you have low desire or a “low sex drive”. It just means that you need more compelling reasons than, for example, seeing an attractive person, to want sex. Things just need to feel right before you can access those sexual feelings.
But then how do you get to that point where things feel just right? Of course, much depends on the individual, as well as the mood and circumstances you find yourself in. But there are some tools and techniques that can help you get into the right mindset to maximize your pleasure.
One commonly used technique is mental framing – or scenario conjuring. Used by around 90% of women according to research, framing focuses specifically on what is going on between our ears, rather than our legs. This could be imagining a hot scenario from your past, or a scenario you would like to find yourself in. Maybe a one-to-one hot yoga session with that sexy yoga instructor? Getting stuck working a late night in the office with that hot, mysterious colleague from the 14th floor? Our minds are often cheekier and more creative than we think.
However, in times of stress and uncertainty, framing and trying to get yourself to that place of arousal is not easy. This can be very frustrating – especially considering the natural stress relieving effects of masturbation that you might be missing out on!
Because we believe that everyone should have the opportunity to explore and enrich their sexual experiences, we have partnered this month with Dipsea, a female founded erotic app, to offer you 30-days free subscription. This will give you access to a library of hundreds of short, erotic, sex-positive stories to help you unwind, guide you in framing and get the most out of your pleasure.
Dipsea, The New Generation of Erotica
Described by the New York Times, as the audio app transforming erotica, Dipsea was created to empower women to tap into their sexuality and spark their imagination. In a world where so much of available pornography is visual, Dipsea challenges its subscribers to rethink sexuality. “By processing erotica through their headphones, listeners are envisioning something based on the blueprint that we give them”, explains Gina, the co-founder of Dipsea.
Offering inclusive, safe and positive audio across different genders, perspectives and preferences – from romantic storylines to hardcore kink full of healthy boundary setting and consent, Dipsea empowers people to explore what works for them. Shame and judgement don’t get a seat at the table.
Along with sexy, narrative-based stories, Dipsea also offers guided meditations and sessions on self-love, pleasure mapping and tackling sexual taboos to help you learn, explore and reconnect with yourself. Think of it as the much sexier version of Headspace. The ultimate guide to mindful masturbation.
What better way to unwind this month than with some erotic audio and your favourite sex toy? Use the code “JEJOUE” to access free, sexy, mindful-masturbation tools.
Tickle your brain and see how your body follows suit…